An accidental find this small pea sized lump lodged in the soft tissue of a breast. An icy stab of terror straight to the heart. Breathing ceased, the brain clouded over stomach dropped into the feet and threatened to turn in revulsion The hand returns again and again to the breast praying to find the evidence gone. Tears flow. Appointments are made. A flood of information Decisions...choices...more decisions. Lumpectomy, mastectomy, reconstruct....don't reconstruct. Watching the lights on the ceiling go by as you travel down the hall on a gurney. Sweet oblivion followed by awakening groggy and sore. The hand exploring again but bandage masks the evidence. The long wait for biology results Exhaling when the news is good. Radiation to the offending tissue which is red and sore. Chemo as an added measure. Hair left daily in clumps on the pillow or in the shower. Perpetual nausea and gums that swell and bleed when teeth are brushed. Finally all treatment is over. Now an eternity of waiting and watching begins. A tiny kernel of fear remains. Lodged deeply and forever.